It's beginning to look a lot like X

CW FISHER Hurricanes have names, even boats and hamsters have names, yet the most wonderful time of the year is nameless. It took almost a decade, but we did it. This holiday season that isn't Christmas, Hannukah or Kwanza needs to be something besides "this holiday season." Xmas is out because it's too close to Christmas; it wouldn't be fair without an X-ukah or X-za. So let's go with X. X is simple, memorable, wide-ranging, and inclusive: even an illiterate can spell it. We're already adapted to Xmas... Y not X? It texts excellently. Plus it's already on the calendar! X is Xy. Say it: it's sexy. X may have some bothersome connotations with X-ratings, but nobody remembers X ratings except old people, and nobody listens to old people. Yet imagine all the world's grouchy old people muttering under their breath, X X X X X X X X X ...how long before the homophone takes hold? How long before the rippage of clothes and sweeping of tables that heralds the start of most spontaneous assisted living orgies? I'm all for a holiday season that causes old people to pull trains or make daisy chains as long as it happens in the spirit of X and is completely hidden behind walls of lead with doors that remain locked until all danger has passed, and as long as it's something that nobody ever, ever, talks about. So! We're going with X. Very well then. Consider this your first X card ever.